Hi everyone! I know I have been MIA for the last month or so. There are many reasons why I haven't posted, but I am back and hope to start posting on a regular basis. A lot of things kind of just happened all at once in my life and created the perfect storm. I started my last semester of college at the end of August and it took me a little bit to get back into the swing of things. I have also been going through a pretty bad flare for the past month with my gastroparesis. Due to both of these things I decided to take some time to myself and reduce my stress. I took a break from posting so that I could put all my focus into school and my health.
It's been difficult going through this flare, but then again it is never easy. I have lost a lot of weight and now weigh below 100 pounds which is the lowest I have been since before I started high school. It has been a real struggle to eat because I am nauseous and I always feel full. I have been getting infusions to try to help with the pain and maybe help me to eat, but they haven't been very effective. It is so easy to feel helpless when going through a gaastroparesis flare. I hate it because I know I need to eat and I really want to eat, but my body just does not allow it. It's hard to explain, but it feels like it is physically impossible to eat. There has been a couple times this month where I have felt like giving up. I couldn't take it anymore because it felt like my body was giving up on me since I wasn't eating. I was desperate and trying everything I could think of to try and get some nutrition in my body. After talking to my doctor I was able to get an infusion with medication that would help me feel better. I was also prescribed a prescription to hopefully help reset my system. I have been a little bit better since receiving the infusion, but my appetite is still messed up. Hardly anything sounds good and I am still nauseous most of the day. I'm still not able to get enough calories in during the day, but I am eating enough to function. I wake up everyday with uncertainty of how I will feel and if I will be able to eat. Right now I am just focusing on doing what I can to take care of myself. I'm taking it one day at a time and hoping that I can make it through this flare.
"Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength." ~Theodore Roosevelt